Frustration
anger
disappointment
alone

You come to me
wide eyed open
expecting something
the same way I just was
but am not anymore
and could be if I just
look into your eyes

why do I let myself
twist, strain, contort
is it not my decision
that I yield to automatic response

I hear the voices of children
happy and alive and remember
the silence of my childhood

the call of the gulls to join them
in their quest go unanswered
through my failure to fly

I stay in pain frozen unable to speak
fear blankets me in its cold comfort
It is not duty, longing, desire or well being
It is the lack of courage

the learned silence that
kept me from harm so far
yet keeps me in harm's way