A child of 30

Hoping and wishing
longing and praying.
I spent my childhood,
Oh to be free, grown
independent, adult.
I surely would show
them all.
I am special.
Lonely and painful.
Time passes
yet wonderful moments
abound.
Hidden in the stuffing
of forgotten memories.
So here I am.
A child of 30
longing still.
How did I let
my life live without 
me in it?
Is it possible?
Could I be 
Thirty?
I fear growing old.
I fear death.
maybe, I've spent my life 
in fear.
I want to know, to grow,
to be special.
Have you found any
answer I have not?
What is it like
to be you?
My friends are scattered though
the winds of time and distance.
Please come play
with this child of 30.